A little about me/some rules

So, my story. I'll try to make it brief.

First -- why this project: I've wanted to create a resource guide for probably about a year. I wanted my personal experience to be intertwined with the resources that I personally found the most helpful. I'm still struggling to put together that guide, so this is a sort of a more personal test run. I will be running this blog from today until the end of April. It will update with multiple posts on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday of each week. At the end of April I will reassess and see where this takes me from there.

For my part, depression sort of crept up on me. I experienced some in college, in differentiating frequencies, but it wasn't until in July of 2018 that my depression really began to kick up as we moved from Los Angeles to Northern California, and I felt as if my whole world had fallen apart. I became very depressed very quickly. I felt trapped and miserable. Then, on September 9th, 2018, I became suicidal. And once you've passed that point, it's very hard to turn back. I continued to struggle with suicidal thoughts and depression in massive amounts until I was hospitalized on October 31st, 2018. I spent 9 days in a locked ward. Then I transferred to an unlocked ward where I spent 2 weeks.

After that, I became an outpatient, but this didn't mean I didn't struggle. I constantly struggled with suicidal thoughts. I probably should have been hospitalized many more times. But slowly, slowly, slowly, SLOWLY, I began to get better.

In May of 2019 I began work as a peer advocate in a walk in center. My work is currently on hold due to the virus that is now going around.

As for myself, I am not an expert. All my knowledge comes from personal experience and that can differ from person to person. Please talk to the professionals in your life. But for my own part, I have come from severe, life-threatening depression to moderate, sometimes even mild, depression, and I can once more function in my life.

I may write more about my circumstance as time permits, but there is one thing I absolutely will not tolerate on the blog.

I will never give details of how I hoped I would kill myself, even though at the time I had plenty of ideas. This is a dangerous thing for any suicidal person and can endanger their lives. Thus, if anyone reads this, I will block you so fast your head will spin if you mention details of a suicidal attempt or ideation. And of course if you are suicidal, don't hesitate to contact a hotline or check yourself into the ER. This really is the best course of action, and nothing beats medical professionals.

  Anyway, that's all about me for now. It's a hard thing to talk about, but I hope to share more as time goes on. But the most important thing to know is that you're not alone. Really. I promise. It may feel like it, and like the tunnel will never end, but it will. I promise. Just hang in there.

~ Emery