Resting your brain

It seems some days that I have two settings. Super high focused energy and super low horribly numb depressed energy.

The problem with this is that your brain runs through the super high energy really quickly. And once you've run out of this energy, you have nothing left, which leaves you with nothing. Also, that sense of purpose you once had? It's gone.

I have two trains of thought on this. One is that it's like breathing in and breathing out. Even though you hate it, you can't be happy all the time, you can't be down all the time. You have to have a little bit of both. You need to let the depression out when it happens or it's just going to build up inside you and explode when you least expect it. We want to avoid this. So, as long as you're not ranging into suicidal territory (and if you are, get immediate help), let it wash over you for a little bit. But keep an eye on it. Have your family and friends keep an eye on it. Mostly, if you've gotten to the point where you actually have high energy, you likely have a more moderate depression. If you don't, be very careful about letting yourself slide. But if you're anything like me, it will go away by itself. It can't stick around forever.

However, if you're in moderate depression and you wind up in a severe depression for more than 3 days, get help.

I would argue that moderate depression is the lowest level of depression that you can actually consider yourself functioning on, since you're mostly able to live your life, though it can be tough.

Moderate depression for me is feeling neutral most of the time, while feeling depressed every night or every other night, with flair ups every once in a while (usually once a month, though an episode can last as long as a week).

Anything worse than that and I would argue you are not yet stable, and this particular blog post is completely irrelevant.

But more on that later.

The other train of though, given to me by my case worker, is that there should be a medium place. Somewhere where your thoughts are low energy but stable. You are doing something, but you are not bouncing off the walls.

To achieve this, she suggested mindfulness and meditation. 

I struggle with both. So I'm turning her idea over in a different way. A medium way might be just sitting and reading, watching a movie, or a show, or listening to a podcast. Something where you're breathing in for a bit.

This is a very new idea but I hope to think about it more -- the idea of filling the well when you don't have enough energy to go out and do anything.

Anyway. That's the food for thought for today.

~ Emery