Deweeding your life

This is a part of helping the depression go away in your life. It's the ying to the yang of filling your life with good things that you want. This is the clearing part. This is hard sometimes. I still work very hard on this myself. It is much harder to get rid of the things that aren't serving you then to find the things you want. But it's worth it.

There are two categories of things that are making you unhappy. This you need to get rid of and things you can change. And then there are things you just have to accept.

Examples: things that make me unhappy

My room
My relationship with my ex (it's a whirlwind of emotions)
Where I live
Not eating
My self esteem
My appearance
My very much singleness
My lack of purpose
My relationship with my dad and brother
My phone

So let's break that down

My room. Things that I hate about it. It's messy, it's blue, and it doesn't feel like me, and it's too small for me to access my books in.

Ok, so the first thing. I can fix the mess. And I have, for the most part. It's made me like my room a lot better. The blue I can also fix, though I haven't already. There's literally paint in the basement. It doesn't feel like me because my clothes are in a box on the floor. I can also fix this, which some help from my family.

I can't fix the size, so I put my books in the living room, where I could access them regularly. There's an element of acceptance. I could also work on how to make a small room look smaller.

Relationship -- yesterday, I took a close look at the relationship and decided that even though its brought me comfort and joy, it brings me more pain. So I decided to cut the person from my life. It is not a decision I take lightly, but the chance is if you're depressed, you've also found some toxic people. Doesn't need to mean they're mean, they're just toxic for you. My ex is in many ways, a really sweet person, but he's my Achilles heel. And he's toxic for ME, because of how I behave around him.

If someone is toxic for you, you need to look at the relationship really hard, and think about cutting the person from your life. This is essential to help depression. Get rid of anything that pulls you down. Ugly bed sheets, closets full of clothes, trash, toxic people -- whatever you need.

  Yeah, I hate where I live. It feels stifling to me, and something I very much want to do is leave some time in the future.

But I also thought about it. I love being with my family and I still struggle enough with my mental health that moving out isn't a good option for me right now. So, for now, it's all about the acceptance.
And hand in hand with the acceptance is finding things you like about it.

I don't like my town, but I do like some of the small cities around it. I've looked around and found things that make life bearable.

If you hate where you live and you can fix that or move, and you are able to, do it. Don't let yourself be dragged down.

When I don't eat, I get all kinds of weird. This is very very fixable. Learn to cook, learn to prep easy snacks. Just do it.

My self esteem. That's something I can change. But it requires the help of a therapist. I am currently working on this and hope it will seep over into other areas of my life.

Other than general therapy stuff I can look at what causes my self esteem issues.

First, being tall. I'm very self conscious about it. Can't fix that. But I can work towards acceptance and finding the good in it.

Second, my glasses and skin. I can fix these things. I am working with a dermatologist and thinking about switching to contacts.

Singleness. I can change that. Need to get out more, and at least make a try to be around men.

Lack of purpose -- we've talked a lot about that. That's where searching for what you want and scheduling your life comes in handy, but it's definitely something you can change. Or you can completely disregard it if that makes you happy. Maybe everything is meaningless to you and that makes you happy. Go you!

I'm not going to go too much into the last one here, but I'd like that relationship together. I'm not sure if that's an acceptance thing or what, but that's something you have to decide by yourself.

So in conclusion, always look to see what you can change, get rid of, or accept.

And if you hate your job, your weekly trips to the mall, or anything else that makes you miserable, just cut it out. Or cut it down.

Lastly, with my phone, I decided to change how I see it and instead of guilting myself for spending so much time on Instagram, I decided to use my phone for educational things and furthering my hobbies. And when I am on Instagram I accept it.

You are in charge of your life. It's yours to change as you wish. So go do it. Find your dreams.

~ Emery