The Anxiety Piece

Depression is not always alone. For many people, including myself, there is an anxiety component. For some people, it's mild, for some people its severe. There aren't any definite answers as to why anxiety and depression are tied together but this is the reality for many.

For me, when I think back on it, I've probably had anxiety my whole life. It's to the point that some days I don't even think I have anxiety, due to how used to it I am. My psychiatrist framed it this way: "You're so used to it," she said, "that you've basically overcome it."

I believe her. In college I used to describe it this way: I'm terrified about everything so I might as well do what I want. Buying something from the store and going across the country caused me the same amount of anxiety so I figured I might as well go across the country.

Is this a great tactic? Eh. Honestly, I'm not much of an expert on anxiety -- I haven't read much or watched much on it. I only know what I know from my own experience.

Things that would probably help: Meditation (but I don't have the patience for it). That sensing exercise where you find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear . . . etc. Deep breathing.

Things I've found that actually help.

Music. Either very calming music (see sleep playlist on the other post) or just stuff I like. It takes my mind off stuff.
Puzzle games like candy crush (it's rhythm is soothing).
Focusing on something else. If you distract yourself enough, sometimes, if you're lucky, your brain will shut down.
Sleeping. Sometimes you just need to turn your brain off and on again. If you can manage to sleep, that is.
And lastly, meds. I've never tried Xanax, but I do have viseral (or hydroxizine) which they use in the mental hospitals. It just makes me fall asleep, but for me, my anxiety is at its worst at night. I get this shaky feeling where I feel like I'm going to fall off my bed. I want someone to put me in a small box to stop from falling. The more it goes on the worse it gets. When this happens, I take the meds. Sometimes it's happened in the day time, but mostly it is at night.

So that's what I do when I get shaky, but my anxiety is not limited to that.

It is also especially bad with new people, crowds, new situations, and things I am afraid of like driving or phones.

In many of these cases, I try to avoid the thing that makes me uncomfortable (example, parties) but that's not always good or healthy. The other things that help for me is doing things in small quantities -- challenging myself to go to a party every once in a while or focusing on something small I can control (who can I talk to that I know?) and then breaking the entire thing into steps (Ok. I know Natasha. But I also know Mala and Hani. I'll talk to Natasha first, then Mala, then Hani, then excuse myself to get some chips and a breather).

I also find though, more than anything else, exposure therapy to be the most helpful. This has helped the most with phones. You can go in bit by bit or go whole hog. I got a job in retail so we know what I chose . . . and still, bit by bit, the phone phobia gets better and better.

Also, for me, knowing what the worse case scenario is and having it happen actually makes me feel a little better. Because now I know what it is and I know what can happen. One of my biggest fears is being awkward on the phone. Well. I've done that probably about 50 times now. It doesn't bother me as much. You learn that people are generally more understanding than you'd think.

And if they're assholes, that reflects more on them than you. And you can breathe a bit better.

My biggest anxiety is around driving. To those with the same, I say, learn as much as you can first -- I took an extra 10 hours of driver's ed after I had my licence and it really helped.


Then I started driving with my mom.

Then I started driving behind my mom. (I was and am afraid of getting lost).

Then she drove behind me. (I was afraid something bad would happen and no one would find me).

I also challenged myself to drive very short drives to somewhere I really wanted to go (in my case, the library).

Finally, I stared driving the 40 minutes to work and once I got the hang of it it wasn't so bad. I had some things happen -- hydroplaned, hit a deer, hit a parked car -- but I learned how to deal with them and I realized that these things are not the norm. I drove to LA and back. It was hard. But I did it.

And now, even though I still struggle, especially driving some place new, I can do it.

Oh, two more things.

Talking to myself in the car and trusting my instincts were huge. But so was music when driving. Anxiety people, we need to override our brains sometimes.

And I've found the more attention you give your anxiety, the more it grows. Easier said than done, obviously.

Hope this was helpful.

Again, not an expert, just what I've experienced.

I also read an interesting thing on the internet about people who have anxiety (officially, I have a MDD diagnosis with "anxious features" from my psychiatrist and a GAD diagnosis from my therapist. But you can have anxiety in so many forms!) is that we like what if statements, but we're all about the negative. What if I fail? What if this happens and I ___ (crash, get dumped, starve, etc). But you can also use that what if to a good end. What if I succeed? Make new friends? Find love? Have a perfect driving record? I haven't tried this yet, so I don't know if it works or not, but it's an interesting idea to be sure. And I'm all about those ideas, to be sure.

~ Emery